Crazytown

Where a BH Chaplain lives

Well, gang, here I go again being politically incorrect. With all the mental illness rearing it’s ugly head in this country. In my own family. Shame on me. As it happens, I needn’t move a muscle or engage in any external human interaction to experience pandemonium. I live with it in my own mind 24-7.

I’m fortunate beyond measure though. Some time when I was in mid-life I fell into a portal leading to a vast universe and body of wisdom and compassion practices. I had never entertained the idea that my purpose on earth was to help, benefit others, and that in so doing, I would find true happiness and liberation. Is this embedded in Christianity, in Judeaism, Islam? I’m sure it is, somewhere. The caveat being you don’t have to be a monk or a nun or a priest, etc. Still, saying it right out loud, and making it a major tenet of Buddha’s teachings seemed a map for a life well-lived.

I had been pondering these thoughts, as well as my years as a “seeker” when I came upon a file deep within my Google Drive. There they were: notes from my stint as a chaplain on the Behavioral Health unit in a hospital in Pennsylvania about 10 years ago. I spent a good deal of time there as I was completing my residency, which entailed being assigned to the same unit, writing about it and bringing my experiences to the team of chaplains and supervisors for feedback. Man, they really throw chaplains in the deep end in these training hospitals. I requested BH, because I thought I could relate, and after an internship in the cardiac ICU, I wanted to be with patients who were still walking around and not hooked up to tubes. I told my supervisor I was right for the job, as I felt lucky to be alive, and not in a psychiatric hospital myself (though I believe I used the phrase “nut-house”). Or dead. He thought I was being funny, you know; self-deprecating and all.

The assignment included facilitating groups in the B (of A,B,C,D) Unit, being folks struggling with addictions and related issues such as depression and anxiety, twice a week. While I met with people individually, I was responsible for bi-weekly “spiritual” gatherings twice a week, in which I was free to bring whatever tools I deigned might be beneficial to the group. The parameters suited me: no preaching or proselytizing

( Don’t get me started, some of my colleagues could barely contain themselves.) It was designed to offer a support to their ongoing therapy. We did yoga, read and wrote poems, shared stories, sang songs. I absolutely loved it, and learned so much. My people were no different than I, or anyone else, and in fact a lot more sane than some in high places!

See my notes below, unedited for the most part.

November 2015 B Unit Weekly group

11/2 Monday

Native American poem (Lakota) preceded by silent meditation.

Two men, 4 women. Women in particular articulate and willing to share.

They entered into the meditation and reflections eagerly and then wanted to finish with another silent session; the men had left, and the 5 of us women sat in silence holding hands in a circle. It was very powerful and moving.

11/5 Thursday

11/9 Joe standing in for me: reported a good turn-out and lively discussion based on Bible scripture. (

11/12

Good group insights and discussion that started out very tense with one patient quoting scripture and stating “there is nothing else to discuss”. We looked at a poem by Rainier Maria Rilke that was very uplifting to most everyone in the group and especially appreciated by this patient.

11/19

I brought a Kahlil Gibran poem on Love to the group and there were some beautiful insights mostly by patients who seemed to have a strong faith and hope, despite the fact that they were in the hospital and had had very tough lives and difficulties. I was inspired. The next day (today) one of the patients brought me a drawing she did, inspired by the session and what we all shared.

11/23

I brought an article entitled “Is Illness a Spiritual Journey?”(Dr. Christine Pulchalski, GW Institute to a group of 6 people. We did a few minutes of centering meditation (using a “watching the breath”…a method I use when people have never meditated) and the group entered into this nicely. One man came in late; he had had good news about his situation and was happy, but jumpy. We all read the article taking turns, and then a good discussion ensued about our relationship with God/Creator and how to tap into it in dark times; people shared very poignant and moving stories about their faith in God under extremely difficult circumstances. I have charted the 5 people who made significant contributions.

11/30

Today I brought two poems, one by Thomas Merton (poem of Compassion) and one by Hafiz (a suspended blue ocean). One patient was very agitated and disruptive, so much so that I asked him to leave, and he was comfortable with that as he kept saying he was confused about what he should be doing: (walk the halls? Go lie down? Stay here?) He repeated himself several times during our opening time of silence and meditation. I had explained to the group the structure and how important it was for everyone to respect the group and allow each member to speak if they chose. A female patient shared that she had ADHD and found it difficult to calm her mind. I suggested very short sessions throughout the day, and to go easy on herself if it was challenging. A man shared that he loved meditation and had some close friends who were Buddhist, and that centering oneself is “the key to figuring things out”. He made several significant insights. One man left and returned after about 20 minutes, having missed our reading and discussion of the Poem of Compassion, which was lively and included all but one member of the group. One person shared how important it was to hear that compassion for oneself is God’s wish too. The man that left and returned began a personal story in which he became angrier and angrier at a family situation where in he was wrongly accused of raping a female member of the family. His brother also stole money from him.

He wanted to kill his brother and his mother, yet was a Born Again Christian struggling with this dilemma and crises of faith.

My role as chaplain was to listen but I felt it was getting into therapy and so I tried to keep bringing him around to his original query. The rest of the group was very supportive and after I read the uplifting poem by Hafiz, the man said he felt so much better.

DECEMBER 2015

12/3

I had 6 people in the group, 3 men and 3 women. We began with a silent meditation and awareness exercise, which was interrupted by two people arriving late. Then I passed out the Six Words of Advice by Tilopa and people responded positively and with good insights: “this one really gets to me “(worrying about the future) and “if I could just stop the thoughts (be in the present moment) and then when I suggested just a minute of meditation a day to start, a young woman who had 3 children burst into tears and said she never had even one moment to herself…she was so stressed that she ended up doing drugs to relieve anxiety, she knew it was wrong, etc. Then she was called out, at which point I said can we pray together for K.? and the entire group, save one quiet shy young man, offered beautiful prayers for the plight of this woman. Stopped me in my tracks, so heartfelt. I followed up with some prayers I found that might be of benefit to her and left them with her today.

Dedicated to all beings, especially those carrying a heavy burden in their hearts.

May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you live in ease.

Avanti!

PK